Saturday, April 24, 2010
Now we are three
This past Sunday afternoon found us, all three, lying on Scott’s and my bed. We had foregone church and had spent much of the day recovering from a multiple wake up night. We were all in various stages of undress. Scott shirtless, Emma only in a diaper, and me halfway between my pajamas and my workout clothes.
My head rested on Scott’s belly and Emma lie between us making a sweet triangle of our bodies. Mostly we were silent. Emma squirming and cooing, her parents watching her in awe. Occasionally I would lift my head, say something, and rest back down on my husband’s taut skin. All the while holding Emma’s foot in my hand, rhythmically pushing my thumb against the ball of her foot just to feel her toes flex.
Scott brought Emma to school today to have lunch and visit during my planning period. We ate lunch from the cafeteria and made jokes about what kind of meat was in the shepherd’s pie; can’t have a school lunch without mystery meat. Afterwards I held Emma up on the table while Scott made her giggle hysterically. As she gripped my neck, flapped her arms and my husband made her jump and laugh I found myself laughing right along. I had a sweet inoculation of baby cuddles in the middle of my day, buoying me and giving me energy to be more present with my students. My own little mini bring your daughter to work day. A little pure joy to last the last few hours of the day until I get home.
It is in these moments that I realize we have become our own family. Who do you lie around with on a Sunday afternoon unshowered and half-dressed? Only your own family. Now we can make our own family Sunday traditions. Do we eat a huge meal after church? Do we go for a hike or a stroll? Do we sit around and do nothing? These little windows where we are focused are quiet and satisfied. When we slow down and turn ourselves inside out to make Emma shriek and laugh. When she’s older we can tell her all the things we did to make her giggle when she was a baby. Some I’m sure will continue into her toddlerhood and she will remember. Maybe she will do them to her own child.
Four years ago I met this man with big blue eyes, but felt like I had known him deeply forever. Now this child laying here with those same big blue eyes has brought us inextricably together. Instead of two, now we are three. We are no longer a couple, we are a family. We are parents, two people responsible for the health and well being of another life. We have been given this little baby and now before where I never felt a lack I somehow feel more complete.