So this last Sunday was my first official Mother's Day, with child. I think about where we were a year ago, and what our life was like...
I remember standing up in church that Sunday, tearfully with my hand resting my pregnant belly. We had just started telling people that I was pregnant and at the invitation of mother's to stand in church with the prodding of friends and husband I stood. I was still reeling a bit from the loss of our first pregnancy, from that promise of motherhood snatched from my heart. Somehow I had faith that this baby would be, this baby would come. I think that day a friend had confirmed that, she pulled me aside and said from her heart that I was not meant to suffer. Telling me what I knew.
All that this year has brought, a long labor, resulting in a healthy baby, a trip home, to all our homes. A re-assessment of what 'home' means. And knowing deeply that it may not be Kenya. A satisfactory year teaching middle school and high school. A year's worth of new lessons, new students, and lots of funny anecdotes.
We started our celebrations on Saturday and drove up to Brackenhurst on Saturday night with our friends the Dunnings (who are expecting their first). We shared a feast of fried American foods (a true treat here), and as Jessica stated definitely, 'didn't do ourselves any [nutritional] favors.' On Sunday we defected from our regular Kenyan church and went to the congregation that meets on Rosslyn's campus. We treated ourselves to the American traditions of childcare, and an hour long service. The worship was simple and sweet, and the message actually reached me. That night we went to dinner at a friends up in Tigoni. As we left early because our daughter was beginning to turn into a loud whiny pumpkin I wondered if our still un-childed friends felt bad for us that we had to leave early. But I didn't feel bad, I was happy to get to bed at a reasonable. I chuckled to myself as I realized how that works out; I used to pity my friends with kids that had truncated social lives, but now I know that they're so tired that an early retirement just sounds awesome.
Yes, my husband did his part, he brought me flowers earlier in the week and I have a belt that I want promised to me, when we can go together and make sure I like it.
I think more about this year and what becoming a mother has meant to me; a year of learning new dimensions of my personality that motherhood has unearthed. That I like teaching, but I want to be home more. That I am still pretty selfish, but am willing to put up with a lot for my baby. That I can function on a night of sleep that was interrupted six times. That children, especially your own bring, an indescribable joy and peace. A fulfillment and further understanding of why I am here on this earth. While I may never become the next modern day Van Gogh, I am a mother and have dome something that no one else can do, I had Emma.