I hate October. Okay, scratch that, I hate what Americans have done to October. I like fall; the leaves are beautiful, I love the magic of the warm fronts and cold fronts clashing together, and I love the food (cider, pumpkin bread). Maybe it's because growing up in San Diego fall is really all in your mind, you can drink cider and snuggle down in a blanket but, really, it's still seventy degrees outside. No protests people reading this back home, it ain't cold, it really ain't.
So what do I hate about October? Number one: breast cancer awareness month. What? You say? You insensitive pig. I'm not insensitive. Here's why I hate this, more women die every year of heart disease, why don't we have a heart disease month? Because a woman's heart doesn't look good in a C cup. More women die every year of malaria. Why don't we have a malaria month, because those women are dying in Africa and Asia and we don't care about them. We could eradicate malaria, but we haven't. Why not? Because it's not in the US anymore, it's not our problem. Yes, you read that correctly, anymore, the U.S. used to have malaria. Once we got our water systems under control it went away. Industrialization eradicated the disease.
And to top it off there is a very high incidence of breast cancer in my family, so all month long I feel like the death toll is ringing.
Number two: Halloween. That's right, I HATE Halloween. Trick or Treating is great, let kids dress up and get free candy, that part is awesome. I hate the whole horror movie, 'c'mon let's celebrate evil,' thing. I used to watch horror movies, but now I can't. I don't understand the value of creating depictions of evil when there is already so much real evil in the world. Maybe it's because I seen too many abused children, too many starving children, too many fat corrupt politicians living off money that should be feeding their constituency. Just too many. So why create a movie about a man who locks people in rooms and makes them kill each other in diabolical ways?
All month long I am assaulted by commercials that tell me that zombies are going to eat my brain and that most likely my boobies are gonna be surgically removed. It's enough to make a woman not leave the house and turn off the TV...