I was talking to a friend on the phone the other day, and Emma got up off my lap and of course left behind a little wet spot where her diaper had leaked. I told my friend that my lap was wet, her response,
"Uh, do you need to go? To change?" She doesn't have kids yet.
"Ah, no, I'll get it later," I'm sure she was horrified. I told myself I was just showing her how freed I was from sanitation. Hehehe.
Man, the things I am okay with now, that I NEVER would have been before I had Emma.
The other day I was letting her run around naked, and she started piddling on the bathroom rug. Before Child I would have jumped up snapped her up and held her over the sink or toilet. After Child I just leaned back against the tub and thought,
'Meh, let her finish, I'll just throw the rug in the wash.' It was actually kind of funny she kept looking down at the pee coming out of her like she was thinking,
'What is going on down there?'
Emma went through a puking stage, right when we were introducing solid foods, I mean every morning...okay let's just say I had to buy a few more pairs of pajamas for myself. One of these auspicious mornings she went dead white and started coughing, the precursors to puke, and I reached out and caught it. In my hand. I have done this a few times, and witnessed other people as well. This was the first time that I looked down and realized,
'Dude, I just caught puke in my hand.' I know the logic, my hand is easier to wash than the million other things that the puke will get on. (Have you ever noticed that puke is like that? Logically it would only get on the baby's front and in the tray of the high chair, right? But no, somehow it ends up on the back of the high chair, the floor, your legs, but not on the high chair tray, how?) I NEVER would have done this before kids. In fact if a kid puked in my vicinity I probably would have just cleared out of the room. Cartoon style, puffs of dust left behind me.
Actually the thing that cracks me up is when someone does puke in public, just watch, right afterwards everyone freezes. Everyone freezes. Like, what do we do now? Usually a grandma or mom will snap out of it and start wiping with napkins, and then someone else will snap out of it and get 'something better to wipe.' The puker is usually still frozen, until they start crying or slink off to the bathroom (depending on the age of the puker) and the pukee (a person that got puked on) will stand frozen for even longer until grandma starts wiping them. This is even better if the pukee got puked on across somewhere awkward, like the crotch of their jeans. Which is usually the case.
Having been the pukee many a time we have developed a system, carry the child to a safe place at arms length, strip them down, strip you down, change, snuggle (because the puker is usually screaming), and then offer juice.
Parents ever have a moment like this? Like when you look down and realise there is poo on your knuckle and you don't even react? You know, go wash your hand, but with no dry heaving or even flick of emotion across your face? Or just use a wet wipe to clean up after a diaper instead of the boiling water and lye you would have used Before Child? What are you okay with that you thought you'd never be?