Emma's driving me crazy today.
I feel like one of those horrible moms in movies that they show losing their temper over something small. Like: look at this mom, she's so selfish, because you should patient with children all the time, and children are always right.
The problem is when you lose your temper with your kid you do feel like a complete jerk.
Yesterday Emma's diaper leaked while I was trying to put groceries away at Scott's office, I am helping to prepare a cookout tonight. I say trying because it was trying and half the time when you are doing a task with a toddler on hand (a task that does not involve putting your full attention on the child) you are really only trying because eventually one of you ends up crying. There was runny...well, you know, everywhere. I rinsed her sandal off and then put it back on her wet. She started crying because who wants to wear wet sandal? But who wants to wear a sandal covered in...well, you know...anyway, my response to her:
"Stop crying, you're fine," in a harsher tone than normal. You know why? Because that response from my kid makes me feel horrible. Here I am trying to do the best for her and I get crying in return. She doesn't understand that I was washing her shoe and making it sanitary, all she knows is now her foot is wet. And I know that she doesn't get it, which compound the horrible-ness I feel.
The worst part of it? It's not her fault. She is just transitioning out of having to cry to get all her needs met. Real needs, like hunger and sleep. Not wants like, will you read 'The Bear with Sticky Paws' to me for the fifth time today.
Today I lost it when she scratched the back of my knees by bumping me with a book, because instead of putting the dishes away I really should be reading to her.
Today I decided in the half hour before our morning activity I was going to fold the laundry that had been sitting on the floor for two days. I fought for that laundry. I folded with her climbing into my lap. I folded with her grabbing my finger and trying to haul me away from it. I folded with her pushing a book against my arm (always with the book). I got it done though, folded and put away.
This of course makes me feel selfish, because shouldn't I just stop and patiently read her the book. On the other hand the kid brings me books while I'm on the...well, you know.
As a mother I'm transitioning too. I still have the heart reaction to stop her crying instantly, because she needs me, actually needs me for food and survival. Now I have to discern what are needs and wants. The book is a need for attention, and we all need attention. But how much attention? Then when am I superceding my actual needs for her wants. At some point laundry and dishes do need to be done.
I knew this week would be hard. It's Scott's first week back at work after a two week vacation. During camp Emma had the attention of all the students several times a day. so it's not surprising that she's bit needy at the moment. I guess we could all use a little grace until we're adjusted...