I have appreciated all the encouragement I've gotten from my last blog. I know that I am doing what I need to do and for whatever reason my body seems to need to gain more than the 'recomended' weight. I so thought I had done better this time around, I did, but only by five pounds.
It's just discouraging to watch yourself get bigger and bigger, and see the numbers climbing and know there's nothing you can do about it until six or seven months from now. Like there is some switch in the back of your head that you can just flip and suddenly all the years that you have trained yourself to wish the number to go down you're supposed to be okay with it going up? I usually look up while they're weighing me. With Emma I had no idea until the last doctor's appointment. Besides it was in kilos, double digits? Looks great!
I confessed to a nurse practitioner that I couldn't even drink water, it grossed me out. She laughed and nodded. This is one of the reasons I have chosen to use female doctors, and midwives. They know. They tell you to eat healthy and then tell you, 'do what you can.' Because they know, they know what it feels like.
Oh sure some may think, 'she's just indulging because she's pregnant.' There may be truth to that, but when I look down and realize I have just hoovered an entire plate of enchiladas, a feat that would have left me in pain pre-gestation, and then I could still use some more, methinks something else is going on here.
Tucking happily into a Big Mac and fries is unusual desire for me. McDonalds is a place that I usually avoid with a sneer and a comment about it not being 'food.' The first time I had that 'hamburger' craving, I went on my own 9:30pm burger run, because my husband didn't believe me. The quarter pounder that I got had too much ketchup on it, and the meat was gummy, but I ate it anyway just to prove him wrong.
Yesterday, for breakfast, I craved whole wheat toast, with peanut butter, banana, and honey. Instead of frozen waffles or a bagel. I was almost elated that I wanted to eat something so healthy and so normal for me. As I sat there munching I was happy that I had gotten to the part in my pregnancy that my 'cravings' seem a little more normal and I don't have to eat every two hours.
Then I dumped syrup on my kid's peanut butter toast to get her to eat more. Didn't work. But then, that's another blog...