A few weeks ago a friend asked me if I was nervous about giving birth again as I answered, ‘yes,’ my voice started to crack and I my eyes started to tear. I started to talk about how I would have to be insane to not be nervous about birth again.
Some of you know this and some of you don’t but Emma’s birth was long, very long. After 38 hours of labor my doctor offered my Pitocin and I asked for a c-section. Two hours later my daughter was born. My doctor later told me that the cord was wrapped her around and her head was cranked back, Emma was not descending nor would she have. She called the c-section a ‘miracle.’
So, yes, I am nervous. I didn’t get to have an all natural birth. I did get to have a healthy baby. It was long and it was hard and it scares me to think of doing it again. But by the end of the day, or the night, I had a healthy baby and that is the point.
Before I actually went into labor I thought that c-sections were only for women that weren’t educated and didn’t know their options and allowed doctors to make all the decisions for them. Then I was in labor with no interventions for 38 hours. Let’s just say that my mind changed.
Before I went into labor I had hitched my wagon to the all natural birth and labor train. I still think that there are good principles there and that some interventions are poorly timed and in some cases can cause more harm than good. I do not think that, ‘98% of all labors,’ should go naturally, as I have heard people say. One in three women in Kenya still die in childbirth….I read that on a billboard in Nairobi, who knows if it’s true. The point is that childbirth was dangerous and still can be.
Before I went into labor I used to think that no women should be denied the right to an all natural birth. I would try to influence friends to read books and learn their options. Then I realized that some women don’t care. They just want that kid out and healthy. To a certain extent I think that’s okay. There’s a part of me that wishes they would care. There’s another part of me that’s louder and says it’s none of my business.
So I am nervous. I do care and I would like to push this baby out naturally. There’s also a part of me that wouldn’t mind just being cut open and having that baby taken out of me. Without going into a long over explanatory medical drama, there were a few moments where I thought that my midwives here weren’t going to allow me to try for a VBAC and I realized how tore up I got thinking I was losing the chance to ever have a vaginal birth. This very well may be my last pregnancy and this very well may be my last chance at a vaginal birth. We sorted it out and they have given me the go ahead to try. I have had moments of sadness when I hear women talk about their birth, but I feel like we made the best decision for me and my daughter.
In the end if you have had amazing birth experiences…be thankful.
If you have had to have c-sections…be thankful.
If you have healthy children…be thankful.