And for once I was SuperMom

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Big Enough?

This might sound like too much information, but bear with me:
When I just went in to the restroom I reached down and realized the drawstring on my pants had worked it's way out of a bow and into a knot. There was a moment of panic while my hands were under my belly and I knew that I could not untie my pants. My pregnant belly is so big that I could not see the knot. Fortunately I was able to get out of my pants, don't worry, I won.

This brought to mind a new TLC reality show, maybe called; Too Pregnant for My Pants or Too Big for Clothes or When Pants Attack. The interviews would go like this:
Pregnant Wife, "I started to panic when I realized I COULD NOT GET MY PANTS OFF!"
Husband, "I found her sitting on the bathroom floor, against the tub, sweating and crying."
Pregnant Wife, "And then, can you believe this? He laughed at me! Can you believe that?"
Husband, shrugs, "I helped you didn't I?"
Yes, wife, we believe you because it's kind of funny. Not kind of funny, but hilarious.

Sigh. I'm so big right now.
Every now and then I see my reflection and think, 'Man, no wonder my back hurts.' Or, 'Oh, that's why the grocery cart guys at the store are so eager to offer me help.'
People keep asking me to post belly pictures. I haven't. Not because I'm embarrassed, but because the second time around the magic is really just gone. Yes, it's miraculous and I'm amazed. Yada yada. But the second time instead of wonderment I feel more like the victim of an odd science experiment. "Whoa, look at how big she's gotten. "Crikey, look at the ankles on that one!"
Actually there's some truth to that, my midwife is sending me in for an extra ultrasound because I am measuring 'large for gestational age.' Even my medical professionals think I'm huge.

I'm 34 weeks, the end is nigh. But not nigh enough. That's still six weeks of backaches, heartburn, and getting stuck in my pants.
Every afternoon during that golden time that Emma naps, those few hours all to myself where I can 'get things done,' I am reduced to 'resting.'
'Getting things done,' for me is not only limited to housework or cooking, but might include painting, blogging, or completing any number of projects I have going on. Some of this is not really difficult, painting and blogging are actually relaxing and usually done while sitting. Buuuuuuuut my huge body in all it's hormonal glory is too tired in the middle of the day to handle even those activities. Either my back hurts so much that I cannot fathom sitting up in one of the wooden chairs that we own or my brain is so foggy I cannot think clearly enough to write. It seems that 'resting' late in pregnancy involves sitting with proper back support, your legs up, and doing nothing. Maybe drinking water. Or sleeping.

I can hear the voices of older ladies in the crowd, saying, 'Oh stop, just enjoy it, put your feet up and relax.' I agree with you, I do. But every day gets old, and really it's more that I don't have a choice in the matter. If I try to do anything I end up losing an hour just staring. I will sit there in front of my computer screen and eventually realize I have spent twenty minutes staring at Facebook and have not scrolled down or read anything.

Oh well, in six weeks or less this baby will come out, my internal organs will return to their proper place, I will no longer get stuck in my pants. And the naps will be, well, more spontaneous.

1 comment:

k-frank said...

love this. made me laugh. thanks for making me laugh :)