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And for once I was SuperMom

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Jealous

You know those women that 'have it all together?'
You know what I am talking about.  Those women that you are jealous of, maybe they are thin, or pretty.  Or their houses are always clean.  Or they are always dressed beautifully.  Or their hair always looks coiffed and done.
Or they are incredibly tactful.
Or their family is perfect.

Those women don't exist.

It's true, they don't.

I have a friend who just recently made fun of herself because her hair is always 'done.'  We were admiring the hairstyle of another woman, in a 'messy' do.  My friend sighed because she can't do that, and joked that her hair could never do that.  I happened to know that the other woman's 'messy' hair do was her 'I didn't have time to shower' look.  The whole thing just made me laugh.
We always want something we don't have.
We always make ourselves lose.

I always thought that there would be some age, I think it was 30, where magically I would 'have it all together.'  I would become organized.  My house would be clean all the time.  My clothes would be beautiful and fit perfectly.  My hair would become sleek and straight (even my hair would be organized).
I have oft admired straight hair, it looks so tidy and tailored, rather than my unpredictable, mind of it's own mop.  Even though I have had countless women compliment me on my hair, even one friend who screwed up one of her eyes, pointed a finger at my scalp and said,
"I bet you don't have to do anything to your hair.  Right?  Just put product in it and leave?"  She's right, mousse, scrunchy, scrunchy, and I'm done.

It would be nice to spout off at those women who look like they 'have it all together.'  It's an act.  They spend too much time on their hair and not on their children.  (My friend with the 'done' hair is a wonderful and intentional mother, in case you thought that was a dig.)  They are hiding something.  Or you can turn it on yourself and say, 'they have something I don't.'  Some mysterious quality that I can't have.  Something that makes them closer to perfect.

But that's not true.

It's not.

I have finally figured out the mystery to this feminine competition conundrum.  It's not about them being perfect, it's about you projecting onto them.  Whatever it is that they have or you perceive that they have it's something you do not feel that you have.  Sometimes it's simple.  Sometimes it's more complex.

Maybe you have a friend who's house is cleaner than yours and you're jealous of that.  It might be because she cleans more than you do.  So maybe instead of being jealous you should clean more.
That's simple.
Maybe you have a friend who's house is cleaner than yours and you're jealous of that.  It might be because you think you have to have a clean house.  It might be because you have false expectations.  It might be because you feel inadequate.  It might be because you are buying into a false image of what it means to be a woman.
That's complex.
Maybe when you feel yourself getting jealous of someone you need to look at them and think, 'It's not you, it's me.'  Because I can guarantee there is no woman alive who 'has it all together.'

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