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And for once I was SuperMom

Thursday, August 16, 2012

The Beauty Trap

"You don't know you're beautiful
And that's what makes you beautiful."
These lyrics from a song are stuck in my head.  I don't know who sings it, but it is sung by a young man directed towards a young woman who is insecure, is beautiful, and apparently does not know that she is beautiful.
This dichotomy stinks.  As I listen to this song, that is directed at the tween-age set, I get a little angry.  As a young woman you see all of these movies and hear all of these songs and think that you need to be all of these things to attract a man.  Because attracting a man is the only thing that makes you valuable.  By the way, in case you've forgotten.
You have to be indescribably beautiful.
But not KNOW that you are beautiful.
You have to be vulnerable.
But pretend that you are NOT.
Because you still need to be rescued, by the way, in case you've forgotten.

Why can't I just be me?  Because that is what worked.  I was me, and my husband fell in love with me.  Just me.  No games.  No being beautiful and not knowing.  No being vulnerable and not being.  Just being.
Now that I hear these songs and see these messages and I no longer fall for them, because I know that I'm enough, but now I fear for my daughters.  My little wonderful girls, that I think are absolutely beautiful, that will most likely think they are not enough.  Someone, somewhere will tell them that they are not enough, and then this stupid song will come on the radio and they will try to contort themselves into what they think they need to be to attract a man.
Even though they have a mother who thinks they are fantastic just the way they are.
Even though they have a father who thinks they are fantastic just the way they are.

I guess that is part of parenting, you see these things that are coming, these lies that they will be fed, and now you might not be able to stop it.
I heard about some good friends who's daughter had a bout with anorexia.  Good parents, involved parents, making conscious decisions for their children in the best way that they know how.  Not abusive or neglectful parents, which is what you think of when you think of girls with anorexia.  It could still happen to us.

I just hope my daughters believe that they are enough.  As I do.

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