About a year ago a friend included me on a Facebook
feed. An open discussion of beauty. Why did we all not feel beautiful. This particular always greeted me with, ‘Hello,
beautiful.’ Initially I would blanch at
it, seemed too naked a compliment, something I wanted to hear so much, but didn’t
want the need on my face to show. The
discussion fizzled. Some of us offered
ways that we had felt better about ourselves over the years. I don’t think anyone came out feeling
beautiful.
I love that young friend, with her desire to change the
world. I can remember years ago wanted
to turn forces around, stomping around cursing the injustices that I felt. I’ve gotten more fatalistic about it as of
late. That maybe it’s just inherent,
that we all feel insecure.
I saw Cindy Crawford on a talk show and the host mentioned
that Donald Trump had spoken of her to the host, the Donald had said that she
was a great business woman. Cindy’s
response?
“Oh, I thought you were going to say that he thought I was
beautiful.” Are you serious?
I remember talking to my mother-in-law about all this, I
blamed the media, the skinny models, and the companies that perpetuate that
ideal of beauty. She shrugged,
“I think it’s because men look at us.” That felt so grotesquely accurate. That throughout the ages women have always
felt inadequate. I remember seeing a
political cartoon from the turn of the century, it depicted two old women
walking through a gallery and saying,
“Venuses, always Venuses!” Complaining that only beautiful
women were depicted.
I’ve gone up and I’ve gone down. Some stages of my life feeling beautiful,
fit, and strong. Other times feeling
overweight, and flaw laden. The times
where I’ve felt good I’ve almost felt like I’ve had to hide it. I remember sitting in a room with friends as
they went through several features, insulting them as they went, I felt like I
almost had to make something up to get along with them.
So what do I with two little daughters that I think are the
most beautiful little creations? Some
say downplay their appearance. Emphasize
their intelligence and skills. I like
that. But I never struggled with being
confident in my intelligence and honing skills is a life long endeavor. How do we keep from passing on a legacy of
insecurity?
One friend talked about a conversation that she had with her
husband where he pointed out that she had to stop saying denigrating things
about her body in front of her daughter.
Oh, give me strength. Keep my
mouth shut? A sacrifice on the altar of
self control. Because sometimes it feels
good to just dig in and insult yourself.
You know that you’re being ridiculous, and if you say something
ridiculous someone will tell you that you’re wrong, because even though you’re
pretty sure that you’re ridiculous, you still need to hear it.
I want them to have beauty in their back pocket. A card they whip out when they want it. Not to rely on it, to know that they don’t
need to worry about it. How do I greet
them?
“Hello, beautiful.”
1 comment:
I nominated you for a Liebster Blog Award! Here is my post about it.. http://tinastid-bits.blogspot.com/2012/10/liebster-blog-award.html
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