And for once I was SuperMom

Friday, June 13, 2014

Make Like a Tree and Leaf

"Mommy, I want to stay in Mr. Nate's cabin," Emma asks, a request that has no chance of being accepted.  It was just the other day I walked away from her and said,
"I wish you'd stop asking me things that I have to say 'no' to all the time," I feel like the biggest wet blanket until I realized that most of the time she is asking things of me that have no chance of getting granted.  No chance, like, ever.
This time she was asking to stay in the cabin of 34 year old single man who runs the Adirondack backpacking program of Gordon College.  While Nate is a perfectly non-creepy individual, having my four year old daughter stay in his cabin with him is completely inappropriate. We spent the week up in the Adirondacks at the Base Camp for this program so Scott and I could take a Wilderness First Aid course.
A four day course detailing things like Traumatic Brain Injury, bandaging wounds with bone sticking out of them, and High Altitude Cerebral Edema.
We got a babysitter.
It was heaven.
About two days into the course I was chatting with our babysitter at lunch,
'Carys won't let me put her down,' she says to me, 'just last night my back started to kill me,' she tells me, 'I don't know how you do it,' she finishes up.
Two sticks slowly rubbed together over my head, a slight spark just started.  My back, which usually hurts by the end of the day, didn't anymore.  I expected my back would because I was sitting on a hard bench all day taking part in lectures about splinting sticks in eyes, but it didn't.  I thought about all those days were I couldn't wait to lie prone in bed just because it meant that I was off of my spine.  I suspected it was because parenting a two year old is physically hard work, but here it was, proof.
I've always liked retreating to camps and woodland environments.  The chance to take a break about caring for my appearance.  The chance to dress like a dirty wilderness guide.  The chance to have an excuse not to look at the computer.  The chance to not hear music, cars, and television.  I always feel like it is cleansing.  I noticed that at the end of each day I still wanted to retreat to my cabin and sit in quiet.  A facet of life here that is the same, at the end of each day I just want to sit in quiet.
I just read an article online that says I might be an introvert.  I think I might.
I just want to sit in quiet.
Even without caring for children all day long.
I just want to sit in quiet.
Even without the noise of an urban environment.
I just want to sit in quiet.
We drove home today, by about Amsterdam, New York my face had started to hurt.  I told Scott that, that I could feel the stress returning to its strongholds in my body.
Even though when I walked into our house I could feel signs of my body relaxing into home.
Funny how it takes time away to shed so much light on something.

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