And for once I was SuperMom

Friday, July 25, 2014

The Village: Take Two

Another long afternoon stretches out before me.  With my youngest still napping each day takes the same basic shape.  Morning activity, afternoon in the house.  This pattern has held long enough that I don't really remember what it was like to have a day completely open and unstructured.  So many other mothers follow the same pattern, out and then in.

The afternoon's have gotten a bit lonely for my eldest.  I can tell.  I don't know that I mind the 'in' times.  Time to get housework done, time to get painting done, time to get writing done, time to get cooking done.  But my eldest has just crossed the threshold into wanting to have friends around all the time.  Wanting playmates and little ones to imagine with.  She asks me to play with her, but I am horrible at it.  My ability to get on the floor and be creative in play has long been funneled into other venues.
I just read the recent post about the village that never was.  I've been saying and feeling this ever since I had my eldest.  Wanting help and needing companionship so very badly, but often being stuck in my apartment taking care of little ones all by myself.  Being driven mad by the need for other people.  The silence of adult voices ringing deafening in my head.

This wasn't even when we chose to stay in the house all day.  We rarely often do.  When we would go to playgrounds or libraries I would look around see no friendly faces.  Exchange a few words here and there, but no real connection.

So I invite people over, we trade playdates, a perfect solution, right?
Except that I seem to be able to only get one scheduled a week. I know that so many other women are on the same schedule.  Everyone is seems busy.  Or we assume that everyone is busier than we are.  Or we assume that other people don't us like we need them.
We all want the village, but what does it take to make it happen?
We don't want to put anyone out.
We don't want to give up our time.
Are we so married to our individualism that we are harming ourselves?
I think I was okay with those standards, but now that I am seeing it affect my child I want to change something.  We all seem to be struggling from the same thing, parenting in isolation.
But what does it take to change this ladies?  Opening up our schedules to let people in?  Admitting that we need help?  Being willing to flex and see if the baby will nap at a friend's house? 

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