And for once I was SuperMom

Monday, September 1, 2014

I'm Not Sorry

My daughter got really car sick the other day.
There were a bunch of factors that added to her losing her breakfast on that tiny highway in the Adirondacks, but one of them may have been that I was driving a little faster than normal.  There was a little red Hyundai trying to climb up my tail pipe.  So I drove faster, because I didn't want to be that person.
I kept thinking he was back there cursing this little blue Honda with the 13.1 sticker on it,
"Well you probably didn't run that half marathon too fast, if you run like you drive."
Right?  I can assume that was what he was thinking, because I've thought it.
Then my daughter threw up, as I pulled over, that Hyundai was probably thankful that I stopped, as he whizzed by me, and I unclipped my sick kid while she continued to vomit, he was probably cursing at me.
I'll never know.
I drove too fast because I was worried that someone I will never meet was annoyed with me.
Then my daughter barfed.
Then I read this blog. I know she's talking about being stressed about and not being able to be there for people.  That stinks, we've all been there.
We're so trapped by other people's expectations of us that we apologize all the time or make poor choices or spread ourselves too thin.
Probably just our perception of what other expect from us, rather than the actual truth.
So I'm not sorry.
I'm not sorry that I pulled my kid off my back at the beach and told her to stop jumping on me.
I am not a human trampoline.
I'm not sorry that I yelled at my children when they deliberately ignored me several times in a row.
I am their mother, I deserve respect.
I'm not sorry that my husband and I fought when I felt he was placing his needs above my own.
I have needs too.
I'm not sorry that I said 'no' to a commitment because it was something I didn't want to do and knew I would be bad at.
Let someone who is better equipped do it.
I am not sorry that I protect my free time fiercely.
I have needs too.
I am not sorry that I lose my temper.
Sometimes tempers need to be lost.
I am not sorry that I get frustrated with my kids and they know it when I do.
Sometimes their behavior is frustrating.
They need to know when they are frustrating so they can stop it.  They need to function in society without frustrating people all the time.  It's part of being a successful person.
No one is perfect.
Not one of us.
We can all stop acting like we're perfect, that we need to be everything to all people, all the time, we can relax.
And stop apologizing all the time.  

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Love your "I'm not sorry" list. I totally agree! I also have 4 and 2 yr olds and say "Amen" to not apologizing for wanting respect for my body and authority. I am not a jungle gym! Been reading your blog since you came back from Africa but first time commenting. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!