And for once I was SuperMom

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Not So Resolute

New Year's Resolutions are a subject that I usually examine with a fair helping of snark.
Lara, you examine everything with a fair helping of snark.
Yes, I know, but don't most look at resolutions as a time to improve themselves?
I usually just think, 'Ah, another occasion in my life where I can give myself a good ass kicking. Just what I needed.'

I'm also usually a little bit late about it.  Just like I am with advent.  People start posting things about their resolutions, or telling me about new goals that they are launching on.  And I think, 'Oh crap, I just recovered from being all organized about advent, and I really just wanted to sit here and watch the Rose Parade in my pajamas.'
But apparently everyone on the internet is more awesome than me.
And I don't really feel like giving myself a good ass kicking.
I don't want to make unrealistic goals about losing weight.
I don't want to make unrealistic goals about creating awesome Montessori boxes for my preschool age daughter.
I don't want to make unrealistic goals about making art or writing.

But then one of my friends told me that she sat down and made some goals at the beginning of the year and then she achieved them.  So that's kind of a good thing.  I'm not very good at being organized about things.

For a community group that I am in we were asked to come with spiritual goals for the year.  My husband and I had a discussion about it, his question was, 'how are spiritual goals different from the rest of your goals?'  I felt comforted.  During the group when I shared that I didn't particularly have 'spiritual goals' and didn't really want to make them up, it was asserted that no one wanted me to just make some up.

Um, wait, excuse me, Lara, January is almost over.
I know, I know that.  Wait for it.

In that group we talked about how New Year's Resolutions sneak up on everyone.  Apparently the internet lies and everyone just wants to sit around in their pajamas on New Year's Day.  You just make it through Christmas and, then, bam, fix yourself, you sloppy mess.  The thought that maybe all of January should be spent thinking about your past year and if there is anything you want to improve.

Did you read that?  I said 'if.'  That's right, maybe you're not a sloppy mess.
We don't kick our own asses here at this blog.

The other day I jumped off my Spin bike after class.  My eyes hit the mirror, looking at that midsection that has been a source of discontent for as long as I was aware it was there.  I start wishing I'd done an abs class instead.  Then the thought occurred to me that I just exercised to a level that would make some people throw up.  Why wasn't I nicer to myself?  What if I appreciated my body instead of wishing it away?  What if I thanked my body for what it has achieved rather than being frustrated with it for what it is not.  And may never be?  So as I stretched my quads, holding onto the handles I said, 'thank you.'  I almost cried.  Almost cried, right there, in that basement Spinning studio.
Apparently I have some baggage right around here.

This I have taken into this meditation for this January.  A sense of appreciation rather than a sense of destruction.  Maybe instead of beating myself up, and thinking that somehow 2015 will be magical and if I write down a list of things that I don't like about myself that by the time the ball drops on 2016 I will be awesome.
What if I already am awesome?
Okay, I'm not.  But I'm not a sloppy mess.  I guess there is some stuff I'd like to see get done....

For my body:
Be nice to it.  Work out a lot, because it makes my body happy.  Drink more water.  Eat more fruit and vegetables.  Put less poison in it.  Make my husband hug me a lot, because hugging yourself just isn't as fun.

For my children:
Be nice to them.  Pay attention to who they are.  Get them outside more. Squeeze them as much as I can.

For my husband:
Be nice to him.  Tell him how much I appreciate him.  Realize that he has needs to.

For my career:
Be nice to it.  Do more.  Make more art. Write more.  Get my art in a venue.

How are you going to be nice to yourself this year?

No comments: