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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

No Coffee for You

Ash Wednesday is today.  Th beginning of the Lenten season.  Catholics go to mass and get ash smeared on their foreheads.  Protestants don't even know what it is.
Some of us have started experimenting with Lent.

I did in college and now I am back to it as an adult.
I Lent we are called to fast from something; to give it up to focus on what Christ sacrificed for us.  Some of us add things, like writing notes to loved ones, or more time in prayer.
Last year I fasted from sugar.
This year I looked forward to this time of fasting.  This time of  pushing a reset button.  This winter of endless snow has taken it's toll on me.  Six feet piles of snow arresting my ability to properly care for my children and for myself.  My ability to say 'no' to anything unhealthy has dwindled like the numbers on the thermostat.  It's true that I am usually a bit cold, and when you are cold you need more food, but I should be able to say 'no' when I have a bellyache.  I can't right now, I just keep eating.

I hate that I am blogging about the battle of the bulge.  Again.  I seem to talk about this a lot.  Unfortunately we live sedentary lifestyles in a country with an abundance of food,  which will leave all of us, well, a bit bulgey.

I've been thinking of my New Year's Resolutions, to be nice to myself.  How do I deny myself of things to be nice to myself.  Because isn't being nice to myself putting on a pair of sweatpants and eating a huge bowl of ice cream?  Or just eating it out of the container.  Have you ever noticed it tastes better straight from the container?  Try it.  I speak the truth.
Indulging.  Doing what we want all the time.  Isn't that the pinnacle of being nice to ourselves?  I don't think it is.
Sometimes it is.  What message does it send to my daughters if Mommy never eats pizza?  On the flip side what message does it send my daugher's if Mommy only eats pizza?  Or if Mommy can't not eat pizza?  Like when I've eaten poorly all day and all I really want is some vegetables because my belly aches, but I eat pizza anyway because I cannot exercise self control.  That's bad too, right?
I just read this article.  I love her joie de vivre.  But there has to be a middle ground?  Right?

So Mommy eats pizza some of the time.

Lara I thought this was a post about Lent?
It is, I'm coming around.
In the vein of 'being nice to myself,' I drink coffee like it's my job.  Two to four very large cups a day.
That's not that bad.
Very large cups.
Veeerrrry large.
I can't not have it.
That's kinda bad, right?
Last year I gave up sugar for Lent and I have to admit that it shook some of the stronghold that eating dessert had on me.
I keep thinking about coffee, and then I say, 'No, I can't do that.'  Or someone laughs at me.  Or someone insists it's a bad idea.
So I didn't drink any coffee today.  I replaced it with black tea.
Um, Lara, black tea has caffeine in it.
Not nearly as much, not nearly as much.
Some black teas have as much caffeine in them as coffee.
Hehehe.  Nope.  Black tea has about 35ml.  Coffee, depending on how you brew it has about 170-190ml.  A shot of espresso has about 90ml.  I memorized this when I was pregnant.  Do you see how far down the rabbit hole goes?
I have a problem.
I spent most of the day a bit foggy and tired.  When my brain started to become especially so, right before lunch I thought, 'and then we can have lunch, and then I can have a cup of coffee...wait...NO!"
That stung.
But wait, why Lent?
Because I have never been able to give anything up, ever, unless there was religious underpinnings to it.
So here I go, keeping my promises to God, to myself, and all the people I told.  So I can't cheat.
I am going to be nice to myself by pressing my re-set button.  By finding times where I can say 'no.'  Then times where I can say 'yes.'

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