And for once I was SuperMom

Saturday, February 18, 2017

New Year's Resolutions

Here's how 2016 went for me:

I started the year with the New Year's resolutions:
1. Don't wear pants with a button until February.
2.  Drink as much coffee as I want.
3.  Give away more produce from my garden.
4. Try to eat more balanced meals.

I started my Group Exercise Certification.  So I could start teaching group exercise classes and work at the gym.

Then (about a week later):
I found out I was pregnant.

Then (a few weeks later):
I applied for a job as a teacher, at a community art program.  I saw the ad in my Facebook feed, and thought, while rubbing my growing belly, this is bad timing, but I should apply for it anyway.  I got the job.

Then (a few weeks later):
I was promoted Program Manager of that community art program.

I worked really hard.  I made a lot of spreadsheets.  I am not sure that anyone read them.

I left that job.  Because it was a mess.

I voted for Bernie Sanders in the primaries.
I got Hillary Clinton as a candidate.
I voted for Hillary Clinton in the election.
I got Donald Trump as a President-elect.

I had that baby.

2016 was not what I expected.  I did not plan on having another child.  I did not plan on getting and leaving a job.  But these things happened.
Scott predicted that my supervisor at that art program would not be there much longer.  I remember his exact words,
"He's not long for that job," I remember thinking, 'that sounds right,' but not being able to trust that it would happen.
When that supervisor actually got let go, Scott pointed out that he called that event.  And I couldn't articulate why I hadn't fully been able to think that he was right.  Then finally the words,
"I didn't think it would happen, because what's supposed to happen, often doesn't happen," tumbled out of my mouth.  Scott just nodded, he understood.

This year felt like a series of that.  Not that they are all bad things that happened, those things that weren't supposed to happen.
That baby wasn't supposed to happen.  But here he is, unexpected.  I don't feel like writing all the platitudes about what a blessing he is.  I knew he would be.  Once I found out I was pregnant I thought, 'let's just get this over with and give me the kid.'  Now, the pregnancy is over, and I am healing.  He is here, and he's delightful, and chubby, and gorgeous.

I started with my New Year's Resolutions.  I hate New Year's Resolutions.  Just another opportunity to find ourselves wanting and set up goals that we will fail at executing.  Goals that we will white knuckle towards, goals that our hands will loosen on, and we look at our empty palms and think, 'I didn't do it again.'  I tried to make my goals positive, not life changing or painful.  Fun.  Funny.  Not ways to improve my personhood, maybe just a few things to make my life more entertaining.

Let's revisit them:
1.  Don't wear pants with a button until January.  This is because I believe that January should be renamed Pajamuary.  January is the worst.  It is cold.  It is month long hangover after the holidays.  It should be withstood wearing only pajamas.  I have to admit that I failed at this goal.  I wore jeans at some point during that month.
2.  Drink as much coffee as I want.  Did it.
3.  Give away more produce from my garden.  The garden was not as successful this year.  Which is kind of what you'd expect from someone who's gardening philosophy is basically, 'let's stick this in some dirt and see what happens.'  I almost didn't do the garden when I found out I was pregnant.  Then I thought, 'it will make me move and it will make me eat vegetables.'  The garden accomplished that, I moved and ate vegetables through my pregnancy.  I would like some credit for that.
4.  Try to eat more balanced meals.  I was actually able to do this.  I added fruit to my breakfasts and started turning my salads into a more balanced bowl of whole grains and protein.
Did you read that?  I ate salads while I was pregnant.  I would like credit for that.

So let's try again, for this year, for 2017, here are my New Year's Resolutions:
1. Don't wear pants with a button until February.  I think I will make it this year.  None of my pants with buttons fit.
2.  Give away more from my garden.
3.  Get outside more.  Pregnancy is a funny thing.  The process makes you slow down.  Settle inward.  I didn't leave the house for much of the fall.  I needed to, but my family and myself suffered.  So that's a goal.  Despite the weather that New England can drum up for us, we're going to get outside.
4.  Heal well from my pregnancy.  Give myself time and be gentle with myself.  Don't focus on appearance, but health.  I want my back to stop hurting and I want to feel strong and energetic again.