And for once I was SuperMom

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Bad Reputation

This thing, this thing with Aziz Ansari, this is the beginning of a reckoning.

I wasn't there.  I don't know what happened.  We've heard nothing from him.
She said she didn't want to.
But he kept pressuring her.
So she did.

He pressured.  She sent 'mixed signals.'  So he did.  Or her signals weren't mixed.  And he still did anyway.

Why didn't she just say no?
Because from the very beginning we are taught as women the best thing we can do is to please a man.  The best and most valuable thing for us to do is to make men happy.  As little girls we are told the stories about princesses, beautiful beyond measure (because we are most valued if we are pretty for men to look at), who await and are saved by their princes.  As teenagers we are sold magazines that teach us how to apply makeup (because we are most valued if we are pretty for men to look at), and how to get and keep boyfriends.  (As an aside; magazines for teen boys are about lighting fires and having adventures, so eventually I stopped buying teen magazines. there's really only so much ou can do with eyeshadow.) . As young adults those magazines turn to more expensive makeup and now clothes (again because we are most valued if we are pretty for men to look at), and how to sexually please a man.
All of this goes deep inside the female psyche.  We live in the male framework.  Women in a framework created by men are there only for men.  We place their feelings and needs above our own.  We twist ourselves sideways trying to become beautiful for them.  We are 'nice' when all rational behavior points to saying 'no' and walking away.  Because we don't want 'him to hate us.'

I can't say I would behave differently if I was in her shoes.  Star struck, in the apartment of an actor I have a crush on.  I'm sure Ansari knows this and knows he can get what he wants and sees no problem in taking it, because most men have grown into believing that women are there for them.  Even if they don't consciously know that they hold that belief.

While I don't particularly agree with revenge porn, and the way in which this whole issue was brought about may discredit the conversation.  The fact still remains the game is rigged.  Women are climbing on a scaffolding made by men to fit men.  Did you know the weight machines at the gym are created to fit men who are six feet tall?  Our five feet tall bodies are wedged into machines pushing against angles that are wrong for us and we wonder why we are not getting results.

People have said, 'but what about his reputation?'  We still would rather hold the professional reputation of a man above the feelings, safety, and body of a woman.  We are still catering and functioning in the male framework.  Women used to 'earn a reputation.'  Right?  For sleeping around or being 'loose.'  Maybe now men need to 'earn a reputation.'  For being a predator.  For being someone who can't be trusted.  Maybe, he earned a new reputation.